Where does the truth come from?
When does the truth come out?
Today I have begun to find myself on more comfortable footing about the challenges of developing a new skill. It has been hard sitting in a project house just kinda staring at a series of works in progress. And meanwhile i’ve been trying to learn and then also get comfortable with making mistakes and learning; i’m not a perfectionist. I’m also intimidated and indifferent with quirky and high end finishes. I also worry that I don’t yet have a true north about my voice or style.
Getting comfortable with developing the skill of carpentry has run headlong into trying to deal with my anxieties of dealing with my ignorance about new things. I apparently haven’t had to deal with new stuff outside of computers, for a long time-except having kids. Even when i’ve worked in the creative realm it has been via the computer, so the baseline has been comfortable.
The truth is also complicated. Looking at things from a sober perspective i’m now taking a lot of risks. The safe money would be on staying in “The Game” (computers,) but these days i’m either going to have to get deeper into project and program management or upgrade my skills. The baptism of fire that I had with management was pleasing but the commitment was high. The compensation was also high, it got me a house and a pretty decent remodel underway, but quality of life was no good.
The truth is that I’m afraid. This is no call to arms. This is being in the dark with fast dimming light. And i’m nearly certain the only way that i’ll have a chance at success is to run headlong into the darkness of my fear. As a person committed to the long game the voices say that I should run back to carpet and cubicle walls. I should learn my way around another nondescript building and gird myself for having to climb the ladder again. There are always voices.
Being into the long play does not mean you’re conservative or afraid, it means you are going long, you are trying to stretch your resources over a long period of time. On some level I have to admit that I structured my IT career around my own planned obsolescence. I like computer support. I like the access to people, I like fixing broken things. I have no interest just sitting in front of a computer for a eight to ten hour work day. I did not want to be a DBA, or a security analyst. I didn’t want to be a network administrator. I wanted to be the guy who fixed your computer and helped you. And I most certainly didn’t want to be chained to a phone. I can stay in the game, but the corporate IT Administrator is being combined with the Network Administrator. The corporate IT support individual is doing everything, every job is becoming a catch all, it isn’t all bad, but golly... Lastly I loved my job and the mix of support and project/program management was super awesome. I was stretched thin, but it was good, a true challenge to juggle and make everything right.
I was not afraid to leave corporate.
I was not afraid to give up the money.
I am afraid at failing at my new job. I am afraid to be a failure as a carpenter.
Why change careers? I mean, why would you give up your whole segment and do something dramatically different. My experience with remodeling and carpentry is mostly from spreadsheet and shepherding the vision. I can successfully remodel a house, that is troubleshooting. Replace this, paint that, make this bad thing better. I can do that. I’m working with master carpenters now, even in the role of an assistant carpenter it is challenging work and every day there is a medley of new shit we’re doing.